Remembering Infinity: Working Through the Hurt

In those dark moments when you may feel abandoned and unloved, remember that you are loved!

Of all the difficult emotions we experience in life, one of the ones I seem to deal with the most has been the feeling of rejection and hurt. As a child, I recall the sting I felt when I’d done something wrong and received a spanking as punishment—and the worst pain I felt wasn’t to my backside. It was more what I seemed to feel in my heart. Many times I didn’t fully understand what I’d done wrong and, at once, I felt hurt, saddened, and unloved. I’d cry, run to my room, then pout and stomp around for awhile—usually until I became distracted by something else and eventually forgot I was upset.

I’m sure we’ve all experienced similar feelings, in varying degrees, at one time or another. At older ages, we experience many of these same feelings too—perhaps when we’ve been turned down for a date, passed over for a promotion or job, or when we feel neglected or betrayed by our partner or spouse. In some of the more extreme cases, it may feel as if someone has “kicked us in the gut” or even “ripped out our heart”, but most often the circumstances simply leave a dull, hollow ache that seems to sit like a dense, heavy weight in the center of one’s chest.

Whenever we feel resentment or hurt, it’s quite easy to surrender to the accompanying anger and frustration. If we’re unable to deal with these overwhelming emotions in a positive way, we may lash out blindly or allow ourselves to spiral into despair. Sometimes, when we try to express ourselves and the way we feel, especially when we’re older, others expect us to hide our feelings or “just get over it”. Unfortunately, if we just ignore these emotions—especially if we keep experiencing many of the same hurts over and over, the stress we feel just seems to accumulate and become worse over time.

In recent years, I’ve found that, as I work through these challenging episodes, their impact seems less and the process of healing gradually becomes easier. While this process may not be the same for everyone, I’ve found the following steps to be generally quite helpful.

First, as soon as I begin to feel the “heat” of intense emotions rising, I make every effort to stay as calm and detached from them as possible. I try to imagine myself as a boat on the open sea, allowing the waves of adrenaline and distress to pass beneath me. Then I close my eyes and take several deep breaths as I envision the waves slowly dissipating. I consciously relax my body and mentally “let go” of any intensely charged emotions. These first brief moments often provide me with the space I need to remain calm and respond to the situation in a more balanced way. They also help to ensure that I don’t over-react and make things even worse.

Second, I try to take a moment to process things. If the situation is particularly stressful, I may separate myself entirely for a few minutes. I may go to a quiet room and sit down or take a brief walk to connect with nature. In either case, this brief period of separation allows me time to collect myself and gather my thoughts.

Next, I begin the healing process. If I’m feeling unloved and empty inside, it helps to close my eyes and try to feel love for myself. I envision the dark, empty space in my heart being filled with the golden Light of Universal Love, flowing and swirling in endlessly from Source. Sometimes I imagine my Higher Self as a being of pure, Divine Light, wrapping its arms around me in a warm, loving hug. If I’ve been rejected and have feelings of love that I’m somehow unable to otherwise express to someone else, I share that love with my Higher Self instead. This usually helps me to feel much better—for I know that I don’t need someone else’s love to heal me. I can always find the Love I need inside myself.

Once I’ve taken steps to settle down, I make every effort to face and address my emotions and the situation head-on. It helps to know that I don’t have to take on the challenge alone—for I may always seek guidance and support from family, friends, or other trusted sources.  I try to look at the situation as an important lesson in living and accept it—just as it is. I know I don’t have to dwell on it if I choose not to, and I decide how much attention and energy I’ll devote to reacting to or resolving it. Once I make that decision, I take whatever actions I feel are necessary to work things through. If I find that some things are beyond my control and I can’t fully resolve them, I simply do the best I can. Once I release any attachment to a specific outcome, I mentally “let go” of any remaining emotional stress (for more on that process, please see my post “Spirit Anchors”).  This allows me to move on confidently in the knowledge that I’ve done my very best.

Finally, I’ve found that, in many cases, it helps to just “sleep on it”. A good night’s rest often helps me put things in perspective and allows me to find fresh, new ways to approach challenges that I might have otherwise overlooked.  I also find that it’s much easier for me to find forgiveness—not only for others, but myself, in the dawn of a new day.

So if you’re ever feeling abandoned, empty, or unloved as I sometimes do, consider trying some of these ways to work things through.  And always remember that someone does love you unconditionally. God loves you—and I most certainly do too!

Respectfully,

Please feel free to redistribute, repost, or otherwise share this post, providing it is credited to https://rememberinginfinity.wordpress.com.

Remembering Infinity: Well Wishes and “Divine Fairy Dust”

It’s rather fun to picture well wishes as “Divine Fairy Dust”.

Over the last few years of my spiritual journey, I’ve become increasingly aware of my old ways of thinking and past “mental programming”—and I’m almost ashamed to admit all the unwanted habits I’ve developed over the last fifty-odd years. I say “almost”, because I now understand that I’m a human being and human beings are “Perfectly Imperfect”.

I also understand that, to truly fix an unwanted habit, one must first admit that they have one. How do I know I have such a habit? I know because I often catch myself thinking negative, limiting, and judgmental thoughts. But now when I notice that I’m having these thoughts, I see them as opportunities for constructive change—and I work hard to transform them into something that is instead positive, empowering, or constructive.

Now, each time I catch myself forming an unwanted thought or judging someone else for their outward appearance, behavior, or even their perceived lack of consciousness, I remind myself that they are on their own journey of self-discovery, just as I AM. I remind myself that they are a Divine Aspect of All That Is, just as I AM. And finally, I remind myself that they are as deserving of compassion, forgiveness, and acceptance as I AM—just the way they are.

Once I’ve had an opportunity to see them in this new light, I offer them a silent blessing of Unconditional Love and wish them well. In fact, I often imagine them as being on the business end of a magic wand, getting heavily showered with what I like to think of as “Divine Fairy Dust”. I know it sounds rather ridiculous, but the visualization always makes me smile—and it makes it much easier to forgive myself for thinking poorly about or judging another self.

So as you read this, I hope you don’t mind being doused with a rather liberal supply of that “Divine Fairy Dust” too. After all, I wish each of you all the very best—of everything!

Respectfully,

Please feel free to redistribute, repost, or otherwise share this post, providing it is credited to https://rememberinginfinity.wordpress.com.

Remembering Infinity: Just Be Yourself!

Always remember—you’re wonderful and you’re loved. Just be yourself!

Have you ever done or said something and immediately thought to yourself, “Hmmm. Why did I just do (or say) that? That’s not me!”? And how many times have you found yourself trying to talk or act more like someone else, just so you could impress someone or “fit in” with the crowd? I’m reminded of the classic movie scene in which someone attends a high school reunion or a first date and they embellish their personal narrative with a few mild exaggerations or outright “untruths” only to have them backfire on them later.

As I recall similar moments in my life, I see that I was trying to hide behind a mask—a mask that I thought others would prefer to my own true personality or identity. I also see that I allowed my own self-doubts to convince me that I wasn’t successful, interesting, or loveable enough to present myself as I truly was. Finally, it became quite obvious that I didn’t appreciate my own uniqueness, character, or personality enough to put forth a true and honest picture of myself.

In some situations, I suppose it may have been a case of wishful thinking. I must have felt inadequate in some areas and merely wanted to be more like the person I was pretending to be. In retrospect, this really isn’t such a bad thing. If someone feels a lack of confidence, for example, it’s perfectly acceptable for them to act more confidently as a way of actually integrating that characteristic, improving themselves, and overcoming their own limitations. The phrase, “fake it ‘till you make it” comes to mind and it describes this process perfectly.

In other cases however, it was more of an outright rejection or suppression of my true personality—one through which I put forth thoughts, words, and sometimes even deeds that weren’t at all consistent with my own true character. I thought about the times I’d behaved in such a manner and most seemed to be during times when I’d been introduced to a new person or group and I felt alone or singled out. The first day in a new class, a large party where I knew very few people, or the first day in a new school immediately came to mind as situations where I’d felt the most ill at ease. At those moments, I so desperately wanted to fit in that I would try to build myself up—if not in the minds of others, then most certainly in my own.

As I looked back at the ways I denied myself over the years, I wondered, how on earth did that happen? How could I have cared so little about myself that I would exaggerate or even fabricate things—all for the sake of trying to look better to others? After a great deal of thought, I found that many of the unkind things others said contributed to my feelings of being different and somehow less than they were. At the time, I didn’t understand that they were trying to deal with their own insecurities by belittling me. At times, even those I trusted the most might say the wrong things—even though they were trying to be helpful. I know they were doing the best they could of course, but I can’t help but feel that I might have been much better served had they simply said, “You’re wonderful and we love you. Just be yourself!”

In any case, it’s taken me quite a long time to realize that I don’t need anyone else’s approval, attention, or admiration to be whole, happy, and self-satisfied. I’ve reached a point where I’m comfortable with the “perfectly imperfect” human being that I AM. I still feel the familiar pangs of inadequacy every now and then, but now I simply acknowledge them, appreciate them for the lessons they’ve taught me, and let them go. I’ve learned that everyone feels that way from time to time.

A very kind teacher of mine once wrote a profound statement in my junior high school yearbook that I’ve since taken to heart. I’ve recalled her and her encouragement quite fondly over the years.  She wrote that I would “catch fire someday” and that she hoped I would not “hide my light under a bushel”. I’d like to share that sentiment with you—and anyone else who might find themselves reading this post. Embrace and appreciate every last aspect of who you are, reach for your dreams, then go out and share all the Light that is you with the world! No one can do it better.

Oh—and one more thing. Always remember that you’re wonderful and you’re loved.  Just be yourself!

Respectfully,

Please feel free to redistribute, repost, or otherwise share this post, providing it is credited to https://rememberinginfinity.wordpress.com.

Remembering Infinity: “Light” vs. “Dark”

“It is better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness.”
Chinese Proverb

It’s often said that we are eternally making choices in an age-old battle of “Good vs. Evil”. Some perceive this ongoing conflict as the ultimate contest between the forces of “Light” (those who embody the qualities of good, positivity, and love) and those of the “Dark” (representing evil, negativity, and fear).

While there are countless examples of this theme in popular culture, the “Star Wars” saga, created by George Lucas, impresses me as being one of the best. Through this epic odyssey, the heroes, heroines, and their counterparts are locked in a mortal struggle in which one (the “Dark Side”), seeks absolute dominance while the other seeks only to be liberated from the “evil masters” and their minions.

One of the recurring lessons within these stories is that all of us, even those who ultimately stand for the good, have our darker sides. Conversely, even the most black-hearted villain has the potential for good hidden somewhere deep inside the darkest corner of his or her soul.

As a young boy, I was raised in an environment of occasional (if not frequent) conflict, both at home and in school. Several experiences with bullies and my father’s advice soon taught me that it’s important to stand up—not only for myself and the things I believe in, but also for those who aren’t able to stand up for themselves. I discovered that, by standing strong in my own Truth, like the embattled heroes in Star Wars, I could hold a small place for light to take hold. I’ve learned that, by refusing to lower myself to the level of fear, hatred, or control, I may often make it possible for the good in others to rise to the surface.

I remember reading a “Peanuts” comic once, one of many in a classic series created by the late Charles Schultz. In the strip, Charlie Brown encounters his friend Linus, who is holding a lit candle. When Charlie Brown asks Linus what he is doing, Linus says, “I’ve heard that it is better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness.” The comic continues with Charlie Brown’s comment that there will always be those who disagree—and ends with Linus’ irritable sister Lucy, shouting from a darkened room, “Stupid darkness!”

The saying that Linus quoted impressed me so much, even as a child, that I made a poster of it as a project in an elementary school art class. Even now, several decades later, I see even more relevance in its wisdom. There doesn’t have to be a battle between light and dark—or any other faction for that matter. There is no need to judge, fight, or argue with one another, for we are all one. By simply expressing the deepest Truth that lies within each of us and standing confidently in the knowledge that we are all unique, sovereign beings, we may find the strength to gracefully accept the differences in each other as unique expressions of that Truth.

Insofar as the “Light” and the “Dark” are concerned, both must be appreciated—for life requires both in an appropriate balance. Take day and night, for example. In a harmonious, eternal exchange, one smoothly flows into the other. Each has its own domain, yet each also strikes its own balance within the other—darkness becomes shadow during the day, and the light from countless celestial bodies casts its glow through the night. And isn’t it interesting how the most beautiful times of day—dawn and dusk, are the times when these opposites merge together, equally sharing the same space and time?

Respectfully,

Please feel free to redistribute, repost, or otherwise share this post, providing it is credited to https://rememberinginfinity.wordpress.com.

Remembering Infinity: Forgiveness

The next time you’re feeling frustrated, angry, or resentful, why not try forgiveness instead?

As we travel through this experience of life, we’re certain to encounter situations that result in our feeling frustration, anger, or hurt.  Some people, it seems, thrive through the creation of discord, pain, and anguish—or at the very least, don’t seem to care very much about the feelings of others. In many cases, the people who harm others are simply lashing out because they feel they have been mistreated—and they know of no better way to deal with their own feelings of angst than to take them out on others.

Nearly all religions suggest that we follow “The Golden Rule”—that is, treat others as we would like to be treated.  This is an excellent way to live, for it allows us all to form relationships based upon understanding, grace, and mutual respect. There’s another important tool that may help us live in a more enlightened way. It’s called forgiveness—and it may easily be applied whether a perceived wrong was done today, decades ago, or even eons ago.

So let’s think about the value of forgiveness for a moment.  If you’re driving to work and someone cuts you off in traffic, you’re likely to feel angry—for they risked your safety and the safety of others through their carelessness.  If you don’t deal with this anger and fully resolve it, what happens?  It will usually “simmer” for awhile just under the surface.  Then, a few minutes later, when someone ahead of you at the light is too slow in pulling out, your impatience and unresolved anger quickly boils over.  Suppose you pound on your horn and they, in turn, make a rude gesture.  Now they’re angry and you’ve become even more angry—and so on.  When you finally do arrive at work, the day hasn’t even really begun yet and you’re already ticked off!  Worse yet, you’ve now upset someone else—and this ugly chain of anger is likely to expand and spread throughout our world like ripples in a pond.

If we can detach ourselves from our emotions for just a moment, perhaps we can discover a better way to respond to this “lesson”.  First, we don’t really know why the person cut you off in the first place.  Perhaps a close friend or loved one was just taken to the hospital and they were in a panic, racing to get there.  It may be that they are upset over a recent breakup or falling out with a friend.  Or perhaps they really were just being rude and inconsiderate.  So what?  If you become angry over their perceived mistreatment, the only person you’re hurting by feeling this anger is you.  They don’t care—in fact, by now, they’re long gone.  If you think of this situation at least a dozen more times throughout the day and you feel a resurgence of anger over it each time, you will have let yourself be victimized by the situation a dozen more times!  Not only that, but each time you allow yourself feel this anger you become even more likely to pass it on to someone else.

So now, whenever I’m feeling angry, frustrated, or resentful, I try to find and express forgiveness instead.  If I’m faced with a situation similar to our previous example, I consider that the person who cut me off may not have done it intentionally—and even if they did, it will be something that they will eventually have to face (karma-wise, that is).  I let that be their burden–not mine.  Instead of hurting myself with anger, I wish them safety and wellness, forgive them, and let the situation go.  At the same time, to have a truly “clean slate”, I forgive myself for any ill feelings I may have initially felt.  They may not suggest the best way to address the situation, but they are perfectly understandable.  Finally, I’m grateful for the opportunity to help someone else (by forgiving them and offering them well wishes) and appreciate the fact that I’ve taken one more step toward breaking a self-destructive habit.  By taking “the high road”, I’ll have overcome a rather difficult challenge and maintained a positive attitude despite circumstances to the contrary.

So the next time you feel frustrated, hurt, or angry, why not try to accept, forgive, and let go instead?  Once you’ve pulled that simmering pot of emotions off the stove, it won’t boil over—and no one will get burned!

Respectfully,

Please feel free to redistribute, repost, or otherwise share this post, providing it is credited to https://rememberinginfinity.wordpress.com.

Remembering Infinity: Hidden Beauty

Human Beings are like colorful stones–their hidden inner beauty is often only discovered after they have been tumbled and polished by life.

From the greatest to the smallest, every being, situation, and condition is a unique and perfect expression of Infinite Intelligence.  As Human Beings, we often tend to think of things in dualistic terms—that is, we often quickly judge things to be “good” or “bad” (with varying degrees in between) from our own limited perspective.  By being so quick to judge however, we limit ourselves to a much more narrow understanding of the circumstances and frequently overlook the hidden beauty or value that lies therein.

Take the experience of weather, for example.  If two people awaken in the morning and look outside to discover that it’s raining, they might have two different perspectives on the situation.  One might be grateful and happy.  “Good”, he or she might think, “it’s been dry and we really need the rain”.   “Darn,” the other might frown, “I was hoping to go swimming today and now my plans are ruined!”

It’s quite easy to understand both points of view—and both individuals are certainly entitled to their opinion.  There is, however, another way to look at things.  While one’s ego may tend to judge the rain solely in accord with its own wishes, a more understanding and balanced viewpoint might consider a much larger picture.  A more perceptive person may not only accept his or her “self-serving” feelings, but consciously expand them to appreciate the fleeting beauty of the storm, accept it as a necessary part of a much greater natural cycle, and be grateful for the experience—exactly as it is.

While we might habitually complain about “this” or “that”, can you imagine how dismal and boring our world would be if things were always the same?  With no winds or waves to shift the sands or stir the palm trees, even an idyllic tropical island would quickly lose its appeal .  A constant humidity would rob the sky of its billowing clouds and its fiery, glowing sunsets.  Finally, at a level temperature, both the beach and sea would seem hopelessly flat—neither having much to offer in contrast to the other.

As it is, Nature unfolds itself in perfect ways—each as glorious as the next in its radiant diversity.  Instead of lying dormant and still, natural forces engage each other in an artful and flowing dance.  They can’t help but surprise and delight us if we simply pause long enough to notice, observe, and embrace their infinite wonders.  With just a moments’ extra attention and a slight shift of perspective, we are suddenly capable of experiencing our world in new and mysterious ways.  Colors somehow seem brighter, sounds have more resonance, and we feel a much greater connection to and appreciation for our own eternal essence.

Just as the abrasive actions of a rock tumbler coax shine and brilliant color from the heart of an ordinary stone, so too do the trials and tribulations of life reveal the greatest character of a Human Being.  It is only through the experience and process of overcoming these difficulties that we are able to find an enduring grace within—and allow it to reflect back on our world.  One has only to look past the course outer shell of humankind to realize that its grandest potential lies just beneath the surface.

So let’s all work together to develop a new habit—one in which we seek and discover the beauty that is so cleverly hidden within the nature of all things!

Respectfully,

Please feel free to redistribute, repost, or otherwise share this post, providing it is credited to https://rememberinginfinity.wordpress.com.